Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
