everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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