this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
