i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
