I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
