if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's never too late to be topless.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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