he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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