I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
