never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
