I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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