dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
