Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
