Plan B is the new Plan A
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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