What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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