i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
