Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
