if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
