We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
