Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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