if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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