he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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