took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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