Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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