There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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