He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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