"it" just moved
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
