how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
