Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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