im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My pussy is not your playground.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
