I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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