How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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