Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
