Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Who died my cat blue again?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
