I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
