First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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