sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
