i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
