see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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