I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
