Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
