apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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