her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
