I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
