I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
