yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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