My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
