She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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