I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm gonna have a badass scar
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
