he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
