I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
