I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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