Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
