that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
