Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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