Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
