Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
