Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
