I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
