How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
