we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
