I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
