This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
