He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, beer. Big fan.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
