That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize