i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
