I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize