I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
