My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
