How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
