He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
