You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
