It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is wine microwaveable?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
