tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
