My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
