I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize