Betty ford says i'm here all night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My ass is underappreciated
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
