Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
