I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
