i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
