I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
