I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
