I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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