Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize