she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
