I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
