So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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