I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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