how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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