i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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