You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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