She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
