meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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