i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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