if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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