Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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