can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize