so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
