just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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