Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
