I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
