So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
