Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize