she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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