What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
