Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
