wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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